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04 June 2012 @ 12:05 am

One thing about chronic pain is that it’s hard to see. Many times, people don’t exhibit it on the outside. If you look close enough, you may see it etched in the lines of their face, or see it in the way they walk, hold themselves, move around. It’s there but it’s not something that shows a physical scar.

I can still sit here and click a mouse and type a few sentences at a time. I don’t have to completely stop my life and live in the despair of my pain. So when someone says, “Well, you can sit on the computer all day and laugh and joke around, so you seem fine to me. Why can’t you do [enter physical activity here]?”, it is always a challenge to try and explain in a way they’ll understand.

I can joke and smile and still love my friends, family, and life, despite the 24 hour pain. I can play on the computer. I can watch my favorite shows. I can help out someone if my body permits it at a certain time.

It’s no use trying to explain it sometimes, though. Because some people will just never understand. But I don’t blame them. They don’t feel that pain; they don’t understand it because they’ve never felt it, and I just hope they find the patience and understanding some day to look past the outside.

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03 June 2012 @ 01:44 am
I have so much I want to say, and I have comments given to me that I need to comment back to, and stuff happening and so much stuff. I just don't even know right now. It's crazy. I will figure out some time soon. Goodness me.
30 April 2012 @ 12:49 pm

Last Thursday, I had my first appointment with the Rheumatologist. She is the same doctor who both my sisters saw, and she knew who I was before even looking at my papers. She wrote down everything I said, she was very attentive, asked a lot questions and really seemed to care about how I was doing. My blood was taken, to test for the RA factor (which I was informed that, even if it comes up negative, it could be a false negative) and she will call me this week to tell me the results. I don’t have to come into the office so I won’t have to pay that extra fee for an office visit, which was spectacular of her to do for me.

The past few days, the joint pain has been anything but bearable. I’ve been, what I like to say, waddling around like a penguin, because it’s the most I can force myself to move. My hands have been the worst of it, but they’re decent at the moment after taking a few tylenol, so I’m able to type slowly for now.

Today, I woke up in tears. It was the most pain I’ve ever felt in my joints and muscles that I was actually crying while sleeping.

And even though this is a typical day, I think I’m okay today. Mentally, at least. I slept for about four hours, which is more than I’ve managed in a long time. My bladder is still bad, my pelvis still hurts, and my joints get worse with each day, but I’m still in a fairly decent mood.

This isn’t all the time. I’m still going into dark places in my head. I feel the grip of, “I can’t handle this!” many, many days. But I’m taking a deep breath and keeping my hope from withering away.

It’s difficult. One day, I’d like to share my experiences with depression with you all because I think it’s important to lay it all out and then move forward. Now, at least. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to bottle it all up and keep it to myself.

One day, though. When I finally feel ready.

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my genre is: calmcalm
♪♫ sing with me: AC/DC
28 April 2012 @ 11:09 am
Title: Burst Apart
Author: tunes84
Rating: T
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Fluff
Characters: Sherlock/John
Warnings: Blood and angst and fluffy kissing.
Word Count: 700
Summary: An explosion takes out a building. John and Sherlock make out in the afterglow.

A/N: For my Pat-darling and Angel-dear. Pat wanted John and Sherlock to make out. This is what I came up with. IDK, GUYS.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock

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05 April 2012 @ 02:14 pm

Let me start off by saying something: I am not an expert on this. There is so much I don't know and don't understand about diseases (especially endometriosis), even the ones I've researched over time and the ones I've been talked about to by countless health care professionals. Diseases and diagnoses change every day, but I'm sharing, with you, my own personal experiences with diagnosis and medication and hope.

There are a lot of things I’ll talk about with my friends. I’m not embarrassed or afraid of most subjects, but when it comes to myself and my pain, I tend to shut down and only unleash what is wrong in small, frustrated bursts. This year, after a lot of thinking and the help of absolutely incredible friends (lifewaters & crawleysnakes, just to name a couple), I’ve realized it’s okay to talk about it, and to admit that I was completely scared, confused, and had absolutely no idea what to do.

Which brings me to this: I want to talk about endometriosis.

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That took a really long time to write. But I'm glad I kept going and got it out. It feels like a lifted weight, right now.

All comments welcome.

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my genre is: draineddrained
♪♫ sing with me: Tanner Walle - Olive
23 February 2012 @ 10:00 pm
Title: I Am The Left Brain
Author: tunes84
Rating: T (vague reference to adult themes)
Genre: General/Romance
Characters: Sherlock/John
Word Count: 1,500
Summary: Sherlock is logic, is analytical, is in control. Who Sherlock is evolves.

A/N: Beta by my dear Spyfe, who fixes everything for me. This is a birthday present for my dear patster223, who is one very special person in my life. I hope you enjoy, honey, and I hope your birthday was everything you wanted it to be. *snuggle*

This fic is based on this picture. Pat had mentioned liking it, so I decided to write her gift based on it. I hope it does the picture justice, and I hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock.

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my genre is: accomplishedaccomplished
♪♫ sing with me: The Canyon - A.R. Rahman
13 January 2012 @ 02:26 am
Title: Revelation Resolution
Author: tunes84
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst
Characters: Mycroft, Sherlock
Word Count: 940
Summary: "Are you telling me you want to seek revenge on Moriarty?"

Mycroft and Sherlock reach an agreement.

A/N: A scene that wouldn't leave me alone.

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Hope you enjoyed! All comments welcomed.

my genre is: calmcalm
10 January 2012 @ 12:15 am
Title: Words Were Never Useful
Author: tunes84
Rating: K+
Genre: H/C
Characters: Sherlock, John
Word Count: 750

A/N: Just a little something for patster223 and Christina, because we were all in the mood for a little frantic Sherlock.

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Hope you enjoyed!
my genre is: accomplishedaccomplished
♪♫ sing with me: Florence + The Machine
19 October 2011 @ 11:32 am
So, I promised morganstuart that I would do this, and it's taken me about 89 years, but look! I did it!

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I'd love to know yours, too! Comment it to me, or put it on your own journals so I can devour it ;-D

my genre is: accomplishedaccomplished
20 September 2011 @ 02:02 am
Title: What You Know
Author: tunes84
Rating: T
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Mike, Harvey
Word Count: 1350
Summary: There is anger in the pit of your stomach as you watch Mike's head roll back and forth, watch Mike moan in pain, watch Mike bleed.

A/N: For musicalluna, who gets excited whenever I write anything. I hope you all enjoy!

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